she said to me

she said

“‘s going to find a way to resurface”

like in waves 

the next more big 

than the one before 

it is like that

i’m dreaming of this now

it comes like nightmares

and i dumbly think 

i really really think 

it’s all my fault 

i’m triggering me

i’m trying to remember 

to scape of my foggy mind

but i’m immerse 

and i can’t see

i can’t feel

i’m such 

i’m nothing 

i’m numb

but also, 

i’m also scare 

of how much more

not how much more i can survive

with this inside me

but how fucking much

it can fucking hurt